How to Be You (Without Their Approval)
Amit Gope 
A darkly funny deep-dive into being yourself in a world that wants a softer, safer, more acceptable version of you. Raw, honest, and painfully relatab
How to Be You (When Everyone Wants a Version They Approve Of)
— A Survival Story of Identity, Expectations, and the Great Human Costume Party
There’s a moment — usually somewhere between your second job, your sixth self-doubt episode of the week, and your 300th “nice, but can you tone it down?” comment — when you suddenly realize:
You’ve spent half your life auditioning for roles you never wanted.
The good employee.
The agreeable friend.
The obedient child.
The charming date.
The camera-friendly LinkedIn human who says “super excited to share…” even when you’re dying inside.
Somewhere along the way, you became a walking collection of “acceptable versions” stitched together with fear, ambition, social pressure, and parental expectations. A personality IKEA set assembled by everyone except you.
We don’t become fake overnight.
We become fake slowly, politely — one compromise at a time.
And then one day the real you wakes up inside like:
“Bro… who is this person and why are we pretending to know Excel shortcuts we don’t?”
That’s where this story begins.
The Identity Crisis Nobody Warned Us About
Growing up, we were told:
“Be yourself.”
But then adults (and society… and HR… and social media… and rishta aunties) added:
“— but not like THAT.”
Be confident, but not intimidating.
Be ambitious, but not selfish.
Be kind, but not gullible.
Be authentic, but make sure everyone likes your authenticity.
Be unique, but also fit in.
Be real, but also marketable.
Be yourself, but in a version that causes zero discomfort to anyone anywhere ever.
Honestly, it’s easier to solve quantum physics while blindfolded.
So we adapt.
We shrink.
We stretch.
We contour our personality like it’s a face filter.
We practice being palatable because the world rewards smooth edges, not honest ones.
And in that whole, exhausting makeover, the real you quietly slips into airplane mode.
The Algorithm Made You a Character You Didn’t Approve
Let’s talk about the modern devil in this identity circus: algorithms.
Algorithms know what you like…
but more importantly, they know what you want people to think you like.
Every reel you save is a clue.
Every video you watch twice becomes a “you.”
Every post you like is added to your psychological rap sheet.
Instagram thinks you’re spiritual.
YouTube thinks you’re in a productivity crisis.
LinkedIn thinks you’re a thought leader.
Swiggy thinks you’re depressed.
Your personality is now a data set, and the platforms are basically shouting:
“We have studied you and decided that you must remain THIS person.”
Authenticity is difficult when even your apps want a consistent brand identity.
Authenticity Theatre: The Great Human Costume Party
Some people fake confidence.
Some fake competence.
Some fake happiness.
And some of us… well… we fake adulthood in general.
Everywhere you go, authenticity has become a performance.
“Be real,” they say.
But only the kind of “real” that photograph well and can be repurposed as a LinkedIn post.
We wear honesty like a designer jacket — only on the right occasions.
We curate vulnerability because raw vulnerability makes people uncomfortable.
We talk about mental health as long as it sounds like a TED Talk and not a midnight breakdown.
We smile like our lives are stable.
We shake hands like everything’s under control.
We fake it till we make it —
and then continue faking it because we’re scared of losing what we made.
And Then One Day… You Start Missing Yourself
The moment you feel it, you know.
It shows up in small ways:
When you laugh politely instead of loudly.
When you apologise for taking up space.
When you hide your weird hobbies.
When you dilute your opinions.
When you perform “likeability” like it’s Olympic gymnastics.
There’s a grief that comes with losing yourself slowly.
You don’t mourn loudly.
You mourn quietly — in the 5 minutes of silence before sleep, in the car rides alone, in the bathroom mirror on random Tuesday evenings.
Growing up is realizing you’ve lived wearing a costume so long that you forgot what your own skin feels like.
So… How Do You Be You?
Here’s the inconvenient truth nobody tells you:
Being yourself is not a personality trait.
It’s a decision you make every single day — and some days, you will fail.
Being you means:
Not everyone will clap.
Not everyone will cheer.
Someone will get offended.
Someone will misunderstand.
Someone will call you “too much” or “not enough.”
Authenticity has a body count —
mostly the relationships that were built on your inauthenticity.
Being you isn’t glamorous.
It’s uncomfortable.
It’s risky.
Sometimes it’s lonely.
Sometimes it’s embarrassing.
Often it’s inconvenient.
But my God… it’s freeing.
It feels like finally exhaling after holding your breath for decades.
It feels like coming home to a place you forgot existed.
It feels like telling your inner child,
“You’re safe now. I’m done bending.”
But Here’s the Twist:
Being Yourself Doesn’t Mean Being Rigid**
People confuse authenticity with stubbornness.
“No bro, this is who I am,”
they say — usually right before exhibiting morally questionable behaviour.
Being you doesn’t mean refusing to grow.
It means growing in YOUR direction, not the direction the world prescribed.
It means:
Learning without losing yourself.
Evolving without erasing yourself.
Improving without impersonating someone else.
It’s not “take me as I am.”
It’s “I’m becoming myself on purpose.”
The Most Grown-up Thing You’ll Ever Do
(Even if you feel like a confused intern in the office of life)
It’s not buying property.
It’s not raising a family.
It’s not hitting VP at 32.
It’s not reading self-help.
The most grown-up thing you’ll ever do is this:
Stop letting everyone else edit your identity.
You are not a group project.
Being you at 20 is courage.
Being you at 30 is rebellion.
Being you at 40 is healing.
Being you at 50 is liberation.
There is no age where authenticity becomes irrelevant.
If You’re Still Reading, Here’s the Punchline
Everyone wants a version of you they approve of.
Your parents want the responsible one.
Your partner wants the emotionally available one.
Your boss wants the tireless one.
LinkedIn wants the inspirational one.
Instagram wants the aesthetic one.
Society wants the predictable one.
But you?
You deserve the honest one.
The imperfect one.
The curious one.
The slightly chaotic one.
The one who laughs loudly and thinks deeply.
The you that feels like YOU.
Being yourself is not a destination.
It’s a negotiation.
Every day, with every choice, in every room you walk into.
And for the first time in your life, you’re allowed to choose yourself —
even if nobody claps.
Categories: : Career Counselling, Elevate _ Professional, IMAGOFY, Public Speaking, Soft Skills